Middling Along

Victoria Hardy on using her experience of surgical menopause at 33 to help others navigate the Big M in a new way

This time on the podcast I’m joined by Victoria Hardy (otherwise known as @GingeUnhinged on Instagram) as she talks us through her experience of medical and surgical menopause aged just 33, the breakdown that followed, and how she has used her experiences to help others going through the same situation feel less alone. 

 

She has now gone one further and written a book ‘My Menopause, My Journal, My Rules’ to be the friendly guide and confidante that she would so dearly have loved 7 years ago…  

 

We cover:

• The process of going through first medical, and then surgical menopause in her early 30s, and how ill-prepared she was by the medical establishment
• How the lack of support led her to a breakdown, then to therapy, where she turned her creative flair and a way with words into an outlet for processing her grief and trauma, that ultimately became a source of support for others on social media
• Why connection to community on social media is so important
• How and why she decided to write her book and why it’s different from most other menopause books out there already…not least because it’s partly a book you write yourself (40% of the books is journaling space - you’re even encouraged to rip out certain pages if you feel the urge!)
• What was the hardest chapter to write - it might not be what you’d expect

 

You can find Victoria on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/ginge_unhinged and the book is now available to preorder from gingeunhinged.com 

 

You can also find us over at  https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and at https://middlingalong.com  

 

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too! 

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-1 coaching and workplace training.

Dr Katie Barber helps us get to grips with testosterone dos and don’ts

This time we go all in on testosterone with Dr Katie Barber.

Katie is the Clinical Lead for the NHS Community Gynaecology Service in Oxfordshire where she continues to work as a Women’s Health GP and Menopause Specialist alongside her work as Clinical Director of Oxford Menopause. She’s also part of the British Menopause Society Advisory Council.

 

We do a deep dive on everything you might want to know about testosterone including: 

• what being prescribed ‘off license’ actually means
• why there are no products here in the UK designed for use by women and whether that is that likely to change
• why testosterone is only licensed to treat low libido
• why doctors don’t prescribe testosterone on its own without systemic HRT
• the three products available here in the UK on the NHS
• why low libido is a multifactorial issue and why that is important
• what blood tests and checks are routinely carried out before and after prescribing
• future research planned to look at testosterone use for other symptoms
• what to do if your GP is reluctant to prescribe testosterone 

You can find Katie at https://www.oxfordmenopause.com/ and on Instagram @oxfordmenopause 

 

You can also find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes at https://middlingalong.com  

 

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too! 

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-1 coaching and workplace training. 

Kirsten Miller on channelling our inner rages and cultivating our power

In this episode of the podcast I’m joined by New York Times bestselling author Kirsten Miller to talk about her debut adult novel The Change – described on her website as “Big Little Lies meets The Witches of Eastwick—a gloriously entertaining and knife-sharp feminist revenge fantasy about three women whose midlife crisis brings unexpected new powers—putting them on a collision course with the evil that lurks in their wealthy beach town.” 

Kirsten spent twenty-five years as a strategist in the ad industry – an experience that inspired several memorable scenes in the book as we flash back through protagonist Harriett’s career and the events that have led her to develop some rather unorthodox new hobbies that are ruffling the feathers of Mattauk’s residents. She is soon joined by Jo, whose perimenopausal rages manifest in unexpected ways, and Nessa, who hears the voices of the dead girls who bring the trio together, sending them on the dramatic hunt for answers that puts them at odds with the powerful men of Mattauk. 

Power is the thread that runs through this book, from the new-found powers the women are learning to channel, and to live with, to the traditional male power that takes what it feels entitled to (and fully expects to get away with whatever damage it causes as it does so). 

As Kirsten points out during our interview, Gen X - the cohort of us that are now coming into our menopausal years - are the most powerful generation of women in the history of the world. We are in uncharted territory, and only really learning the full extent of that power, and how we pass it on to younger generations. As a consequence, there are many places where this has led to a backlash that will try to squash and push back those hard-won rights and powers. 

 

We talk too about shame, and how we absolutely need to be embracing conversations about our bodies without shame – Kirsten contrasts the experiences of her own teenage daughter’s generation, so much more fearless and so unwilling to put up with stigma around topics like menstruation. She likens perimenopause to “a wave you have to ride” – which I absolutely love. We also touch on the topic of rage: perhaps, Kirsten suggests, there are very good reasons for us to be angry, and instead of ‘treating’ the symptom, instead we need to channel and focus that anger, harness it and feel its power. 

Kirsten is currently working on her next two books. The Change is published in paperback here in the UK on 13th April. https://www.kirstenmillerbooks.com/

You can also find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes/subscribe to the newsletter at https://middlingalong.com  

 

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too! 

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-1 coaching and workplace training. 

 

Steph Douglas on mum guilt, parenting preteens and building her brilliant business Don’t Buy Her Flowers

This episode I’m joined by Steph Douglas, CEO and founder of Don’t Buy Her Flowers. I’ve been following Steph online since the early days of her blog, and then watching DBHF go from strength to strength, so was really excited to sit down with her and talk to her not just about building a business, but a whole raft of other topics. 

 

I’m always intrigued to hear about how people launch and grow a company: DBHF launched in 2014 with three packages for new mums, but really ‘went viral’ when Sarah Turner from The Unmumsy Mum mentioned the business to her followers. The small matter of the Covid pandemic landing in all our lives right before Mothers Day in 2020 was another enormous turning point for the business, and we discuss what it was like navigating that alongside parenting three small children (remember those heady days of ‘homeschooling’ - shudder…).

 

We also touch on:

• The step-change of going from 2 kids to 3
• Mum guilt
• The pros and cons of social media and why ‘Instagram holidays’ help Steph manage overwhelm
• Why gratitude journaling ended up surprising her with its effectiveness
• The mental load and de-programming relationship stereotypes
• Parenting preteens in the social media age

 

And with Mothers Day right around the corner, maybe now is the perfect time to have a look at https://www.dontbuyherflowers.com/ for gift ideas! 

You can also find Steph at https://www.instagram.com/steph_dontbuyherflowers/ where she presents her wonderfully unvarnished take on parenting three kids and juggling that with running her business with a big dollop of humour…

 

You can also find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes/subscribe to the newsletter at https://middlingalong.com  

 

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too! 

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-2-1 coaching and workplace training. 

Charlotte Ellison on the hormone rollercoaster and why baring your soul to Instagram is curiously cathartic

Join me this time as I chat to lovely Charlotte Ellison (aka ‘Moodswings and Other Things’ on Instagram) about the hormonal roller coaster we call perimenopause! 

Charlotte (Lotti on Insta) has been assiduously documenting the physical and mental challenges of perimenopause and her mixture of vulnerability, humour, honesty and a nifty turn of phrase has won her a dedicated following over there. An introvert in ‘offline world’ Charlotte talks about using Stories almost as a sounding board…

 

We also talk about:

• how our partners cope living with our meno-rage, noise sensitivity, and the abrupt shift from adept multitasker to bumbling idiot…and the only way through the confusion is total honesty
• the maelstrom of hormones living with two teenage daughters…and what her girls think of her social media exploits…
• giving up alcohol and how for so many of us it doesn't agree with us in midlife and menopause, leaving us the next day with low mood, irritable, impatient 
• the camaraderie and joy of connecting with the midlife/ perimenopause community on social media 
• How taking prescribed antidepressants made her feel 10 x worse but ultimately galvanised her to educate herself about what was going on with her hormones and what she could do to mitigate her symptoms

 

You can find Charlotte over at https://www.instagram.com/moodswings_and_otherthings

 

You can also find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes/subscribe to the newsletter at https://middlingalong.com  

 

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too! 

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-2-1 coaching and workplace training

Caroline Nokes MP on why she won’t stop fighting for better menopause support

Join me this time as I chat to Caroline Nokes, MP. Caroline is the Member of Parliament for Romsey and Southampton North and the current Chair of the Women and Equalities Select Committee in Parliament.

 

We discuss the government's lacklustre (and late!) January response to the recommendations in the WESC's report last year, why menopause training for GPs needs to be mandated, the current HRT shortages, the failure of the UK goverment to engage with manufacturers appropriately ahead of the introduction of the Pre-Payment Certifcate on 1st April, and why we need a National Formulary for HRT.

 

We also cover the Committee's recommendations around changes to the Equality Act to provide increased protection for those going through a difficult menopause, and why Caroline believes a pilot on menopause leave would have been a useful and insightful experiment. 

 

You can find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes/subscribe to the newsletter at https://middlingalong.com  

 

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too! 

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-1 coaching and workplace training. 

 

Kate Muir on Everything you need to know about the Menopause (but were too afraid to ask)

Join me this week as I talk to writer and filmmaker Kate Muir. Kate’s book - Everything you need to know about the Menopause (but were too afraid to ask) has recently been released in paperback. She is also the producer of the Channel 4 documentaries with Davina McCall: ‘Sex, Myths and the Menopause’ and ‘Sex, Mind and the Menopause’ (with another instalment due for release later in 2023). 

 

Kate and I are both ‘daughters of Alzheimers’ (Kate’s mother passed away from this cruel disease and my own mother is now in the later stages) and we kick off by discussing some of the research into the impacts of HRT on Alzheimer’s risk and cognitive decline. 

Kate is a vocal proponent for HRT and we delve deep into Kate’s own experience (which included taking 5 years to get her HRT settled and stable), the various health benefits that HRT can confer, the different HRT types (including progestins vs progesterone), and the ongoing struggles of accessing appropriate treatment on the NHS. 

We talk - of course, how could we not! - about the Channel 4 documentaries, which were turned down twice “because menopause is boring and for old women” before being commissioned by Dorothy Byrne as her final project before stepping down as Head of Current Affairs. Since the first programme aired, half a million more women are now taking HRT - often dubbed the ‘Davina Effect’ - but despite (or perhaps related to) this increased awareness and uptake, there continue to be HRT shortages. 

Kate is currently working on two new books - one looking at the contraceptive pill and how this impacts on our brains, and another which looks at midlife and how we can age well. 

You can find Kate at https://katemuir.co.uk/ (including links to the book), on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/menoscandal/ and Twitter https://twitter.com/MenoScandal 

You can also find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes/subscribe to the newsletter at https://middlingalong.com  

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too! 

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-2-1 coaching and workplace training.

 

Farhana Shahzady is campaiging for better menopause awareness in family law

If you're currently going through divorce, or considering it - this episode is for you.

Farhana Shahzady is a Director, Family Law Solicitor, Collaborative Lawyer and Mediator at Family Law Partners. She is ranked in Legal 500 and has practiced for over 20 years specialising in divorce, finances and children. In 2022, Farhana founded the Family Law Menopause Project, with the aim of raising awareness amongst the family law community of the significant impact of menopause on many women so that family lawyers can ensure that their client care and advice is attuned and reflective of this important issue which affects so many women and families.

According to the research conducted by the Family Law Menopause Project and Newson Health Research and Education in 2022, 7 in 10 women (73%) who took part in the survey blamed the menopause for the breakdown of their marriage with a further 67% of the 1,000 women taking part worryingly claiming it increased domestic abuse and arguments. Unsurprisingly, 80% said that perimenopause had placed strain on their children and family life. 

 

In this episode we cover:

• the fact that - given divorce is a stressful life change - this stress may ‘mask’ the symptoms of perimenopause, and at present, most family lawyers simply don’t think to check with clients whether they may be perimenopausal
• the long term financial implications for women if their earning capacity is or has been impacted by perimenopausal symptoms (especially if they have left work as a result), including the ‘pension gap’ - and why this would need to be borne in mind for financial settlements
• why it is important for lawyers to bear in mind the impact symptoms might have on a client (eg extra time for completing complex forms, difficulty remembering certain facts or chronology, difficulty dealing with confrontational situations)

 

You can read more about the research we talk about in the interview at https://www.nhmenopausesociety.org/menopause-puts-final-nail-in-marriage-coffin/

 

You can also find Farhana’s practice at www.familylawpartners.co.uk and the Family Law Menopause Project is on Instagram here https://www.instagram.com/lawmenopause 

 

You can find the podcast on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes/subscribe to the newsletter at https://middlingalong.com  

 

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too!  

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-2-1 coaching and workplace training.

Abi Adams on her journey to founding Project Woman and listening to our bodies

Join me this time as I chat to Abi Adams - mum of two, female health change-maker, emotional liberator, and founder of Prøject Wøman.

Abi is ridiculously passionate about raising the bar on feminine health and has been on a fascinating and enriching journey to expand her skills and knowledge that has enabled her to create a unique way of living in harmony as a woman.

Abi has such an infectious enthusiasm for life and an ease about her that I challenge anyone not to warm to her immediately! Prøject Wøman is the culmination of Abi’s 20 years of experience spanning kinesiology, mixed movement, yoga and cycle awareness.

 

We cover plenty of interesting topics in this episode, including (but not limited to): the impact of emotions on health, understanding our cycle, how to exercise in harmony with cycles, deeply listening to our bodies, and the process of Wintering - and how moments of quiet can feel incredibly difficult for those who have experienced trauma.

 

This Spring, Abi is hosting the Project Woman Experience - an opportunity to recharge, reset, and refuel before going back out into the world with a better understanding of your needs. With a stunning location and plenty of space, music, exploring how our body holds emotion and releasing that through movement - plus a full weekend of being cared for and well-fed, it sounds like a wondrous start to Spring if you can make it! 

 

You can find out more about Abi and the ‘retreat that’s not a retreat’ at https://www.abiadams.co.uk/project-woman-march-retreat and you can find Abi on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/abiadams_projectwoman/ / https://www.instagram.com/we_are_project_woman/ and at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVyx08SrcUSgh-GdhaSdQdg 

 

You can also find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes/subscribe to the newsletter at https://middlingalong.com   

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too! 

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-2-1 coaching and workplace training. 

Sarah Graham on Rebel Bodies and the gender health gap revolution

Join me as I chat to award-winning freelance health journalist Sarah Graham - she is the founder of the Hysterical Women blog, specializing in health, gender and feminism and writes for the i newspaper, the Telegraph, the Guardian, the BMJ and many others. 

Her book, ‘Rebel Bodies - A guide to the gender health gap revolution’, was published on 5th January and it is a compelling account of all the ways women, trans, non-binary, and queer people are gaslit, ignored, and let down by the medical establishment. Rebel Bodies grew out of, and weaves in stories from, the blog, and covers topics from endometriosis to menopause and everything in between. (Content warning: there is brief discussion of baby loss, and suicide/suicidal ideation in this interview.)

We discuss:

• The intersection of Sarah’s own pregnancy with the process of writing the book - including a chapter that included some harrowing tales of other people’s experiences - and how that impacted on her own experience of pregnancy and birthing.
• The story from the book that had, and continues to have the biggest impact on Sarah, and the one she knew she had to include.
• Some of the shocking statistics highlighted in the book, for example: that endometriosis is estimated to cost the UK economy £8.2 billion a year and that women are seven times more likely than men to be misdiagnosed and discharged in the middle of a heart attack. 
• The ‘suicide gender paradox’ - it was news to me that women actually attempt suicide at higher rates but men are more likely to die from their attempts - again, the suicide rate for women peaks around the time of peri/meno - yet often when we try to point this out the argument is shut down because rates are far higher in men, so this seems to me to be a really important consideration. 

 

We of course had to cover the current NHS crisis and the impact of many years of underfunding, and Sarah gives us her analysis of the Women’s Health Strategy for England, published in 2022.  

I’ll leave you with this quote, which talks about PMDD but could just as easily apply to the peri/menopause, and which really resonated with me: “From a feminist perspective, how do we acknowledge the very real impact of PMDD on sufferers’ mental health without fuelling the idea that women’s menstrual cycles make us irrational, overly emotional and less competent, trustworthy, or reliable?”  

 

You can find Hysterical Women at https://hystericalwomen.co.uk/ and Sarah is on Twitter: https://twitter.com/sarahgraham7 and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sarahgraham7writer 

Rebel Bodies is published by Bloomsbury: https://www.bloomsbury.com/uk/rebel-bodies-9781399401142/ - please do consider supporting your local indie bookstore if you buy a copy!

You can also find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes/subscribe to the newsletter at https://middlingalong.com  

 

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too! 

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-2-1 coaching and workplace training.